An Open Letter to Lady Gaga...

If I was sending a fax to Lady Gaga, it would read:

Gaga,

Can I call you Gaga? Or Lady? What should I call you? Anyway, moving along, I applaud you for always having such an avante-garde style and innovative fashion sense. But this? Is just ridiculous. Exactly what were you attempting to prove? You look like a space age Glenda the Good Witch. I want to set you up with Marilyn Manson, so you can play dress up and pretend its Halloween every week.

Next time, for your next awards show, please try to avoid looking like you stepped out of a spaceship, or, like you did a few months back, like you just painted your face red and tried to look like you escaped from hell.

Sincerely,
LC

LC & Imelda Marcos...Great Minds Think Alike

"I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes. I had one thousand and sixty.”
--Imelda Marcos

(LC's Quote for the Day...not ironically, my Dad used to call me "Imelda" when I was a teenager, because I always spent my hard-earned money on shoes. Now he had to build me an entire ROOM to store all my shoes, wall-to-wall, while I live at their house, until I can move out. My Mom is anxiously awaiting the day I come home and either say, "I'm moving out on my own, because I got a new job" or "I'm moving in with my boyfriend!" I think she'll have better luck with me moving out on my own at this point.)

My Favorite B-Words: Brides, Baskets, Bridesmaids, Bling (not necessarily in that order.)

Being a bridesmaid is a big freakin' deal.
For those of you who've never taken on that responsibility, you don't know what I'm talkin' about. So I'll start out, by toasting to bridesmaids everywhere.

Your day will come, my sisters in the struggle.

Until that day, it's all about your friend. Yeah, her. The bride.

There's a reason why brides turn all 'Bridezilla' status, and go apeshit over ridiculous things like little napkins with their names on them, and what color of chocolate covered almonds to throw in tiny little paper boxes that nobody really opens (unless they're truly bored to tears, or the food sucks.) (Face it, the only bitch who notices the shit on the table is your pesky Aunt Imogene who has not had a date since 1972.) But try and convince a bride of that, and you'll be gettin' dirty looks for weeks.

Still, we all admit that planning a wedding? It can be a real bitch.
(That's the b-word that nobody wants to use.)

I attended the Phoenix Suns game this weekend, and also, happened to make it to the 'Brides and Baskets' festival that was celebrated at US Airways Center. My friend, Rebecca, needed moral support and a friend to accompany her, so she could check out more wedding vendors, and so I joined her.

Even though I'm not getting married right now, I had the best time, and got to visit with vendors from L'Auberge Sedona Resort and Hotel/Spa, Maggiano's Restaurant, Sandals Resorts, and all the local venues that host weddings. The Wedding Chronicle was also one of the sponsors, and I got to express my unbridled love for the magazine, and explain to the publisher exactly why I run to AJ's every time a new issue is released on the newsstands. The Wedding Chronicle is to LC, what Playboy is to Tiger Woods.

Now, if only Robin Lopez would ask me to marry him at a Phoenix Suns game. That would make it all worthwhile.

Robin, I did cheer for you, honey. Good game. By the way, I'm available, and I already have wedding vendors alllll picked out. All I need is the ring. That's the only finger without any bling, and frankly, it's feeling a little neglected, Lopez.

If you're getting married, or, always a bridesmaid, never a bride, check out The Wedding Chronicle for the creme de la creme on valley weddings and wedding vendors. It is a fabulous little magazine, and basically, my version of porn.

Driving Miss DVF

"I always knew the woman I wanted to be — I knew I wanted to be a woman who was independent, a woman who was in the driving seat, a woman who didn’t need for the man to decide.”
--Diane Von Furstenberg

Not only is Diane Von Furstenberg one of my favorite designers, she has created a fashion empire by following her instincts and being gutsy and taking risks. At this point in my life, I need to follow her example, be a stronger woman, and remember the young girl I used to be...full of ambition, talent, and initiative. Ladies, get out of the passenger seat and start taking control of the wheel, because we're the only ones who can move ourselves forward, and on a road that works best for us.

Cheers, To My Friends

"No matter who broke your heart, or how long it takes to heal, you'll never get through it, without your friends." --Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

A Shout Out...
To all my friends who are patient enough to listen to me bitch about my problems...
Who have held my hair back while I purge the mass quantities of alcohol I've consumed that night...
Who gave me the guest bedroom when I needed a place to stay, or an escape...from whatever, or whoever...
Who reassure me that I'll get through anything, and that I deserve more...
And the friends, who see the things I want the most in life
And encourage me to reach for them.
You're amazing.
And today, I just wanted to say thank you.
xoxo,
LC

A Toast to Valentines Day

For as far back as I can remember, I've loved Valentines Day. Maybe it's because I'm such a girly girl, and I love making homemade Valentines Day cards and mailing them out, snail mail status. Maybe it's because, despite my cynicism about love and dating these days, I am a true romantic at heart: I am actually one of those women, like the Jennifer Lopez's and Elizabeth Taylor's of the world, who are in love with being in love. I get over one beau or one bad boy or one broken heart and jump right into something new, five minutes later, and put my heart right back out there again.

It can be emotionally exhausting.

As a kid, I loved getting Valentines. I remember in 4th grade, I had THE world's BIGGEST crush on a boy who just would not like me back. At least, not in the same way. We did homework together, and sometimes, I'd let him look over at my spelling test to get the right answers. But he never really reciprocated the affection.

It could be because, in 4th grade, I got braces and had a bob with a perm. I look back now, and I am mortified.

Even still, this kid ended up doing some time later in life, and he also never grew past 5'4. So I figure, the universe unfolded as it should have.

That early rejection may have scarred me in some small way...I'm still somewhat afraid of rejection, as are most women. But on Valentines Day, I can't help but feel a little hopeful that maybe love is waiting, right around the bend.

The past two years, I haven't had a Valentine. Sure, I was romantically involved with people (if that's what you want to call it) (I call it dysfunctionally involved with people) but nobody was sending me a dozen roses.

This year, one of my dearest friends, Ashley, and I decided to jump in her SUV and drive up to Sedona for the weekend. This is actually our second annual girls trip. Last year, three of my girlfriends and I went to San Francisco for a long weekend on Valentines Day. We hit up plenty of bars and clubs, and had the time of our lives.

Jessica Biel and Jennifer Garner in the movie Valentines Day? Yeah, they got their inspiration from us.

Last year, I remember waiting for my flight out to San Fran to meet my friends, and I was sitting at an airport bar, having a rum & coke, tears flooding my eyes because the man I was in love with, told me the same day, "Just so you know, I'm going to make an appointment to have a vasectomy."

These are not words a woman wants to hear when she's emotionally involved with a man. Just in case you fellas were planning on using that spiffy opener.

They are definitely not words a woman wants to hear on Valentines Day weekend.

My girlfriends made the weekend so fun, I felt like I had forgotten all about him by Monday. Of course, he was waiting when I got back home, and all the drama ensued, but for one weekend, on the day when the world celebrates love, I realized, I had all the love I needed.

I had friends who loved me, for exactly who I was, and most of all...
I loved myself.

And at the end of the day, when you've got that love, everything else falls into place, too. Including new and improved Valentines.

Happy V-Day, to all my loves out there.

"Love is the one shocking act still left on the planet." -Ashton Kutcher, Valentines Day

I Heart Valentines Day

Ashley and I went to see the movie "Valentines Day" today in Sedona. We of course loved it (what's not to love about a movie with so many hot guys in it?) I will say, however, that I was incredibly disappointed by Dr. McDreamy. A handsome doctor who cheats on his wife and lies to his mistress is just not how I wanted to think of Patrick Dempsey.

The movie was adorable, but how many texts, BBM's, and emails did I receive saying, "I just saw this movie, and Jessica Biel? Sooo you, Lorraine."

It must have been when she said:

"I can understand why I'm alone on Valentines Day. I'm neurotic. I am. The closest relationship I have? Is with my BlackBerry. Thank GOD it vibrates."



Our friend Rosemarie text messaged Ash during the movie to say the pinata scene was sooo reminding her of Ashley and I, on vacation, in Sedona. Lovely. If we wind up at a nice little Indian bistro sometime in the next two days, I'll be sure to alert the press.

It's an anti-Valentines Day party you will NOT want to miss.

All my single ladies, all my single ladies...

Enjoy Valentines Day, go see this movie, and regardless of your romantic status, have a love-filled day.

Even if it's with your BlackBerry.

xoxo,
LC

LC in Wonderland

When I was a kid, I absolutely loved the movie "Alice in Wonderland." Since then, I've heard many people say that it makes no sense, that Lewis Carrol must have been tripping on acid or smoking weed or something else to dream up the plot for Alice in Wonderland and all the other books. I don't know about all that, but it's been my favorite for well over 20 years, and I've been looking forward to the Tim Burton version that will be in theatres March 5th.

Since I also happen to be a makeup lover (duh) this Urban Decay palette of snazzy new shadows, which is a tribute to Alice in Wonderland, and named in its honor, is a collection of gorgeous hues and high pigmented colors that you can accent your eyes with.

With shadow this fab, you'd put the Mad Hatter to shame.

Pick up your own Alice in Wonderland Urban Decay compact at an Ulta store nearest you, or Sephora, or online at www.urbandecay.com. Alice in Wonderland hits theatres nationwide March 5th.

Cowgirls Don't Cry

I am patiently awaiting the month of May.
Not only will I officially be out on summer vacation, I will get to go to the Brooks and Dunn concert in Phoenix, at Cricket Pavilion.

Brooks and Dunn has helped me through plenty of broken hearts, and songs like "Straight Tequila Night" put me back on track again, even if I had just ingested half a bottle of Patron. "She's Not the Cheating Kind"? Pretty much my anthem, babe.

What will I wear to the concert? Well, if I keep working out and get my gams in great shape, I'll be wearing my cowboy boots with some little denim shorts. I will hook me a hot cowboy and enjoy the music that made me stronger.

Hopefully bloggers everywhere will not do to me as they did to Jessica Simpson, and say that I look fat. FYI, the poor girl is a size 6. Cut her some slack. She dated John Mayer's dumb ass. I think the girl's had enough trauma for one year.

For tickets, showtimes, and locations, visit www.ticketmaster.com. I'll see you there...look for the crazy chick in cowboy boots and a hat who's a little tipsy. At a country concert? Yeah, that was real specific. ;)

Do As The Romans Do

A movie with Josh Duhamel?
Sign me up for that one.

Not only is this luscious hunk of love in the new movie, "When in Rome," his costar, Kristen Bell, is outfitted in some pretty cute little outfits. Case in point? This work appropriate, professional, pulled together look--one part menswear, one part 'let me get Josh Duhamel to fall in love with me.'

Ohhh, to be in love in the movies.

Fergie-Ferg, you are one LUCKY lady.

Go see "When in Rome" for yourself, in theatres everywhere. The storyline may be a little predictable, but hey, most chick flicks are. No matter what you think of the plot, you can check out Kristin's wardrobe, get some style inspiration, and most importantly, get all hot & bothered by Josh Duhamel's sexy ass.

One Special Pair

Some inspiration for all my fashionistas for the day...
From the character who launched shoe addictions everywhere, and convinced women all over the world that buying shoes that were the cost of a car payment was a worthwhile hobby.

(I'm not talking about ME, silly. I'm talking about Ms. Bradshaw. Although, I would probably be guilty of convincing women everywhere to buy really expensive shoes, too. Hey, we may as well stimulate the economy, one pair of Brian Atwood heels at a time.)

xoxo,
LC

My White Soul Sister

Before I even became remotely addicted to watching Chelsea Lately, I read "My Horizontal Life," Chelsea Handler's first memoir, and felt so much better about my dating life and history with men, I started to weep like a widow at her dead husband's funeral (after finding out he's left everything he had to his brother, Carl, from Minneapolis.) (Okay, maybe that's a little dramatic. Still, I cried.)

I cried because it made me laugh so hard, tears sprang to my eyes, and surprisingly, I didn't laugh so hard I peed in my pants, because considering my caffeine intake for the day surpasses my body weight, it coulda happened, people.

Chelsea Handler probably helped me get through when I was cooped up inside my Mom's house for weeks on end after I was hospitalized this past year after having surgery. She would make me crack up, hysterically, and I'd forget any of the worries I had, at least while she made fun of Lindsay Lohan's kaslahpas.

But what really struck a nerve with me was when she declared on national television that she only had one fully functioning ovary.

Holy shit, I thought. This crazy bitch really IS my white soul sister.

Not only do we both say incredibly inappropriate things at all the wrong moments, not only do we both criticize celebrities, our coworkers, ex-boyfriends, and family members openly and unabashedly, sprinkling in hearty helpings of the "f" word every now and then, not only do we both love midgets and Belvedere Vodka and counting calories and Hot Pockets, and not only do we talk about things like camel toes in front of anyone who will listen, we also both are...are you ready for this, people?

Reproductively challenged.

So to all the bitches out there who whisper behind my back and wonder if I'll ever have a kid; or be able to, for that matter; to all the bitches who whisper behind my back because I'm a loud-mouth, opinionated single woman with only one ovary, this is what I have to say to you, ladies.

If Chelsea Handler can make it, so can I.

Although the only small person I may be able to adopt, or mother, for that matter, is Chuy Bravo's younger brother. And who knows if he's a midget? But hey, I always wanted a vacation in the Mexican Riviera, so at this point? Who cares.

I'm looking forward to the release of Chelsea Handler's newest book, Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang, which will be available at Barnes and Noble retailers nationwide, Amazon.com, and Borders Books and Music in March. Also, stay posted for Chelsea's Book Tour, which will be in a city near you. Hopefully I can get tickets to the Phoenix or Las Vegas shows. I have to show my white soul sister that she has my full support. And trust me, girl, when you talk as much shit as YOU do? You need a Mexican girl like me on your side.

Shoes? Shoes, I know.

LC's Quote of the Day:

"With all due respect, Ingrid, men? Men, I may not know.
But SHOES? Shoes, I KNOW."
--Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City