Thursday, December 31, 2009

Should Old Aquaintances be Forgot...



Although I'm spending New Year's Eve at home, in bed, in my pajamas, by myself...
While my own real-life Mr. Big (at least, the Mr. Big of the moment) is texting me, because he's at home, in bed, in pajamas, by himself...
I can't help but wonder...
Will I get my shit together in 2010?

At any rate, I know I will ring in the New Year being thankful for family, love, health, happy days, and good friends.

And anything else that comes my way...
Well, that's just fabulous.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

LC's Glam Squad


At the risk of sounding like a self-important, conceited bitch (but what the hell, this is MY blog, after all) people ask me everywhere I go, “Who does your hair?”

I admit to spending a great deal of time and money on the beautification of Lorraine. I wish I could say I am one of those women who gets their hair cut every six months at Supercuts and just doesn’t give a shit (okay, I DON’T EVER want to be one of those women, who am I kidding?) But if I could find a way to write off “hair expenses” and “beauty treatments” on my income taxes, trust me, I would.

Barack Obama, by the way, this is something to look into. Pretty sure Michelle is not getting her hair done by just any random Joe at a cheap, back alley salon specializing in cornrows and weaves. Let’s make one category to itemize expenses for salon visits. Stimulating the economy, one hair appointment at a time. Barack Obama, you said it yourself, honey, it’s time for change.

These are the people who keep me looking and feeling like a million bucks, otherwise known affectionately as my 'glam squad.'

My List of the Crème de la Crème when it comes to BEAUTY PROFESSIONALS:

For Amazing Hair (if I became a celebrity tomorrow, I would hire him to be like Ken Paves, Eva Longoria’s hairdresser, who travels from movie set to movie set doing her hair. Yes, he’s that amazing):
Lethan Olvera
Toni & Guy Salon San Tan Village
2200 East Williams Field Road, Suite 119
Gilbert, AZ 85295
(480) 812-1955

For Incredible Color (only she could take me from Salma Hayek brunette to Jessica Alba honey blonde in a matter of months with no damage to my hair):
Dani Craig
Toni & Guy Salon San Tan Village
2200 East Williams Field Road, Suite 119
Gilbert, AZ 85295
(480) 812-1955

For a fantastic haircut, and the best blowout of your life (he worked for Dolce Salon for years, and he’s not only talented, but a total sweetheart):
Brent Poarch
Sheila’s, Globe, Arizona
(Message me for the number)

For the best waxes, facials, and a great selection of skin care products:
Fuschia
Val Vista & Baseline at Dana Park Village
480-813-7465
1854 S Val Vista Dr # 108, Mesa, AZ

For a great spray tan, or tanning packages that are reasonable, and a fabulous staff of tanning pro’s:
Sunchain Tanning
Power & Baseline
(480) 654-1220

For a fantastic manicure or new set of nails, treat yourself at Addicted to Nails. Ask for Sheera, she’s not only professional, but she’s the friendliest and sweetest person and one inspiring lady.
950 East Pecos Road
Chandler, AZ 85225-2401
(480) 753-3920
www.addictedtonails.com


Visit all these salons and professionals today, and tell 'em LC sent you. You might not be able to write off the expenses on your taxes, but there's no price you can put on looking and feeling fabulous.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Domestic Tranquility


I heard on the news today that someone bought a lottery ticket in Queen Creek that has not been claimed, and they WON the lottery.

I keep racking my brain, trying to remember if I perhaps have purchased lottery tickets in that neighborhood, but maybe was intoxicated at that moment in time, and just don't recall buying one. Because that? Would be my wildest dream come true, especially at the moment.

Please, God, send me some money, so I can pay down my debts and move into my own house again. I don't ask for much in this life (okay, who am I kidding, sometimes I do) but I have overstayed my welcome at my Mom's. There is a reason you don't go from living on your own (since the age of 18) to moving back in with Mom in your twenties. You will drive yourself insane, and take everyone else along for the ride.

But when I do move out of here (I know, I'm making it sound like a prison sentence, and my parents have been so amazing to let me live here and save money)(which, thanks to my penchant for shopping, I haven't done a very good job of) I know I want my bedroom to look something like this, or at least be inspired by this.

Domestic Bliss is the boutique to go to if you want your room to look like this, too.

And all we can ALL do is pray for a little bit of bliss in our worlds this new year.

P.S.--If any of my friends in cyberspace happen to be the ones who bought that lucky lottery ticket, kick me down some cash, honey. This little lady needs a place to call her own.

Domestic Bliss is located at:
www.domesticblissdesign.com
116 W. Main #114
Mesa, AZ 85210

Monday, December 28, 2009

Happy Birthday, Dear Coco Chanel...


Happy 1st Birthday, Coco Chanel!
I never thought I'd become one of those crazy pet owners who treats their puppy like a baby and spoils her this much, but you settled in to our home just like you'd lived there forever.
You are a diva, a sweetheart, loveable, friendly, and sassy.
If a dog could take on only the best parts of their owners, you'd be living proof.


Love you Coco!

P.S.--Why did we name you Coco Chanel? Because I knew Coco herself would think you were just the most gorgeous thing to come around since quilted handbags.

A Charlie Sheen Christmas


Charlie Sheen? I am shaking my head right now in total disappointment. Although it really doesn't come as much of a surprise.

I feel sorry for Brooke, your wife, because she just had your babies and all, but I have to say a resounding 'I told you so' to the poor woman.

When you marry a guy who has a history of hiring as many prostitutes as Charlie's had, the red flags should have gone off three hundred thousand times before you walked down the aisle. Does it come as a huge shock that he's chasing you through the house with a steak knife?

I'm sure this douchebucket will get off the hook with a slap on the hands, and will not do any harsh time or pay fines he can't afford (since he, and his family, still have more money than God.) Knowing how I feel about domestic violence and abuse, I think everyone knows what I'm thinking.

Charlie, you want to pull out knives? You're lucky I'm not Brooke's sister.

Because right now? I've got two words for you, doll.

Lorena Bobbitt.

If I were you, I'd sleep with one eye open, and a hand over my crotch.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

The Creme de la Creme of Hairdressers


So, I started the blog Dreaming in Dior because I wanted to write about fashion, shopping, celebrities, beauty products, stores, services, restaurants, and all the best places to shop or get pampered.

Initially, I started my blog because I was mistreated at a local salon, Dolce Salon and Spa, at the front desk. The girls who were working there were totally hateful every time I’d go in the salon. They once lost my cashmere cardigan that I had bought at Bloomingdales, and didn’t even apologize. In fact, they looked almost happy that they had misplaced it.

And although I was getting exceptional service and quality hair cuts and color from their stylists, the fact that anybody could be so hateful and abrasive to clients in a customer service oriented business baffled me. Especially in these troubled economic times, superior customer service is not only a standard, it’s a necessity.

I used to get my hair done in my early twenties (which, yes, my friends, I am now in my late twenties) by a male hairdresser named Lethan. I absolutely loved every time he’d do my hair. My aunt would tell me my hair looked like “soap opera” hair, because I looked like a woman from the soaps.

Time passed, and I’ll admit, in my early twenties, monogamy was not something I was known for. I was NOT the girl to date if you wanted a serious relationship, because I probably would’ve gotten bored with you and sabotaged the relationship intentionally (or maybe not so intentionally.) I was not the girl who stayed with one boyfriend for months, or years. I wanted to be free, and that included my choices with just about everything: even my hairdressers.

I was not faithful to one hairdresser. I tried them all. I probably have visited every notable salon in the Phoenix metropolitan area; I even had my hair done by a fantastic hairdresser in Globe, a man who used to work for Dolce, in fact. Still, I was not committed to one stylist.

"You're like, a salon whore," April told me one day. For some reason, this pulled at my heartstrings. It was time to settle my ass down. No more salon hopping for me.

In a few days, I will turn 28 years old. I realize this is still relatively young; but I also know that in the past few years, I have changed. I’m no longer like the girl I was in my early twenties. Now that I know what works for me, I’m willing to be more devoted to products, stores, brands of jeans, but most importantly…hairdressers.

In July, I ran into Lethan again at his salon, Toni and Guy in Gilbert, Arizona, at San Tan Village. I was there with April for her hair appointment, and he asked if I’d be his hair model. When this guy offers to do your hair, you don’t say no. He’s just that good.

I was his hair model, and after that, I continued to visit him, faithfully, every six weeks. And every time, my hair looked amazing. Every minute of your hair appointment is blissful, beginning with the shampoo bowl (when he shampoos and conditions my hair, I seriously think my eyes roll back in my head.) (And for the record, that doesn’t happen very often to me. Which doesn’t say a whole lot for the guys I’ve dated.) He already knows what to do with my hair before I even say a word. He listens, and is conscientious, and he makes an effort to be personable and congenial with everyone who walks through the door, and especially with his own clients.

“HE looks like HE could be on a soap opera, he’s so damn cute,” my adorable Aunt told me one day.

And while he is, in fact, easy on the eyes, he’s also a class act. He’s funny, considerate, and treats his staff well, and as a beauty connoisseur, I must say, that quality is a hallmark of any successful store or salon. Just like you can tell a lot about a guy based on how he treats his mom or his sisters, you can tell a lot about a salon based on how the person in charge treats their employees.

“You have a blog?” he asked me. “Why haven’t you written about ME?” he joked the last time I was in the salon.

I guess I hadn’t really thought about it, which is ironic, since I started my blog with the intention of highlight ONLY the crème de la crème, and since I have not only discriminating taste but impeccable taste…I can guarantee you that Lethan really is the crème de la crème.

From the haircut you will receive, to the customer service, you’ll be impressed, time and time again.

And if you’re like the flaky, inconsistent girl I was in my early twenties, you might just become monogamous with one hairdresser from here on out.

You might not be committed to your boyfriends, but after your first appointment with Lethan, you’ll be faithful to your hairdresser.

P.S.--Adam Sandler in The Zohan (see photo above) is not nearly as cute as my hairdresser. See for yourself, make an appointment today. Tell them Lorraine sent you.

To make an appointment today, call (480) 812-1955. Toni & Guy is located at San Tan Village in Gilbert, right across from Forever 21. The staff is incredible, and the salon is full of energy. You can thank me later. ;)

Friday, December 25, 2009

Christmas Wishes from LC



"For to us a child is born, to us a son is given. He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." --Isaiah 9:6

On my absolute favorite holiday of the year...
Thank you God for these GIFTS you've blessed me with...

The gift of my health; for keeping me alive and allowing me another year of life when mine could have easily been taken this year...

The gift of my friendships; for sending the most incredible people into my life...

The gift of my family; for their support, encouragement, and constant love...

For the gift of my Mom; who always made sure I looked adorable on Christmas and always made the holidays super special for all of us...

For the gift of my Dad; who always puts his kids needs before his own...

The gift of LOVE...all the LOVE surrounding me makes the holidays, and everyday, so much more amazing.

The gifts we wrap in paper and bows and ribbons don't hold a candle to the people you've so generously given to me.


"Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exists, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy."
(From an editorial in the New York Sun, 1897, responding to a letter from 8-year-old Virginia O'Hanlon)

Thursday, December 24, 2009

What Not To Wear, Church Edition


Considering I’m a bit of a fallen away Catholic, it should not have surprised me when I walked into the church I grew up going to every Sunday as a kid, on Christmas Eve, and nearly every head in the back of the church turned to stare at me.

Was the ceiling about to cave in? You would have thought I was a big harlot who just sashayed through through the front door of the Vatican. Just because I haven’t been to Mass in a really long time doesn’t mean everyone needs to judge me. Does it?

“Who is she judging,” I whispered to my brother about one of the girls who was staring me down. “That bitch was like, the village bicycle in high school. Everybody took turns riding her. Now she’s a born again Catholic? What the hell.”

“I think it’s because they haven’t seen you in a long time,” he said. “By the way, you probably shouldn’t call people sluts in church. Jesus doesn’t like that very much.”

As I took off my coat, I began to wonder if the dress I was wearing was too clingy, too short, too curve hugging.

“What makes you feel like that?” my teenage niece Angela whispered to me halfway through church, after I asked her if I looked like a whore.

“Because there’s a guy three rows back who is staring at me, and he hasn’t stopped since we sat down.”

“He's staring at your butt!” Angela said, laughing. “Your dress is not too short. It’s very classy."

When we went home, my brother, sister-in-law, my niece and I, I couldn’t help but wonder if maybe my dress was, in fact, inappropriate for church. So I stood in front of the full-length mirrors in my Mom’s house and stared at myself. No, I was still pretty much fabulous.

I got to thinking about all the fashion faux pas I saw in that church service. There was an abundance of women who wore all the wrong things, especially in a church.

In the spirit of Christmas, because I’m so generous, I’m GIVING you all some pointers on making your wardrobe church appropriate.

1. The girl in church who wore knee high boots? Yeah, those are cute, they’re definitely in style, especially in the cold weather. But try not to pair them with a skirt that is actually a TUBE TOP, because you weigh over 180 lbs, and the cottage cheese spilling out the bottom and top of your skirt? Is so not something I EVER want to see again, especially in the house of the Lord.

2. The woman who is 65 years old (I know, because you’re older than my own mother is) should probably get a reality check. You are no longer a teenage girl. Therefore, it’s not a good idea to wear Disney character baby tees with denim skirts and Vans sneakers to church. And shorten the length of your nails. I mean, how do you even wipe your own ass? The priest may be nice enough not to judge you, but God sees everything, honey. He may love you just the same, but even He wouldn’t like your outfit.

3. The girl who stared at me when I walked in the door, a.k.a., the village bicycle? Just because you’re skinny from all the coke you’ve snorted through the last decade, doesn’t entitle you to wear that outfit. Your pants were in style. In 2002. Rocket Dog sandals? I wore those in 2000 around ASU. No self-respecting girl should be caught dead in them now. 4 inches of foam on your feet, in winter, at CHURCH? Girl. You must be on drugs. And P.S.--nobody wants to see your bra straps hanging out, especially the priest.

Some ideas for church appropriate outfits? Just look at this photo of the ladies of Lipstick Jungle for inspiration. Jazz up a simple shift dress with pearls or pretty accessories, and you’ll be a big hit in church. Yes, Catholics believe in forgiving everybody and everything, (why do you think most of the Mafia is Catholic?) but I think they draw the line when you look like a dime store hooker during the church services. Jesus created your boobs, but He doesn’t need to see them on full display during the Mass.

I think I will forward this on to the Pope.
I feel like he would be proud of me for making this public service announcement.
After all, even the Pope wears Prada loafers.

The Sweetest Thing about Christmas is Friendship...


One of the best Christmas presents EVER: my long lost BFF, who had been estranged for about 5 months, text me this morning to wish me a Merry Christmas.

This is the longest period of time we've ever gone without speaking to each other.
Considering we've been inseparable and friends since we were about fifteen, I felt like part of me was missing all these months.

We are still Courtney and Christina in The Sweetest Thing, Amanda.


Merry Christmas, to my bestie, the girl who has made millions of memories with me through the years.

Love,
LC (your BFF)

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

A Tribute to Brittany


Brittany
Talented, young, pretty...
Your passing came much too soon,
but you remind those of us who are young and still full of life
To appreciate each and every day.
Rest in Peace.
xoxo,
LC

Friday, December 18, 2009

Are You There, Tiger? It's Me, LC


Dear Tiger Woods,

At this very moment, legions of angry women around the world want to burn you at the stake. Millions of women are praying for Elin, and simultaneously cursing the day you were born.

I’m not one of those women, Tiger.

Actually, I’m thinking more along the lines of the BILLIONS of men out there who are thinking, “Man, you really screwed up. Why didn’t you get a PREPAID phone, jackass?” Perhaps it’s because my best friend is a man, or maybe it’s because I grew up with boys. Whatever the reason, I don’t hate you for cheating, Tiger.

Instead, I have a few pieces of advice. Think of me as the little sister you never had. Tiger, you lucky bastard! Here it goes:

1. Next time you cheat (because let’s face it, you will) please hire a WOMAN as a personal assistant who is slick enough to arrange all of your “meetings” (a.k.a.: sex-capades) for you. Find yourself a “guy’s girl.” Not one of these pansy-ass chicks who have big mouths and sit around and gossip, bitch about their husbands, and finger-snap with their girlfriends while drinking some sissy ass martinis. Nope. Fuck that shit. You need to get yourself a girl who can manipulate the shit out of your wife, send her to Tupperware parties to get her out of your hair, and then schedule you in some side sex in between your time on the course and your next photo op. Get yourself a personal assistant who is smart enough to know how a woman’s mind works, but level-headed enough to know how to handle both the head on your shoulders, and the one in your pants. Actually, the woman you need to hire? Is ME. Hit me up, Tiger. I need a new job, with health benefits, thank you very much.

2. Keep all golf clubs hidden from the women who you are cheating on/with. I don’t give a shit what anyone in the media (or you, or Elin) claim, we all know that poor girl went off the deep end and started beating your ass with a club. Just thank your lucky stars you didn’t marry yourself a Mexican or Black girl. I think I speak for the collective whole when I say, us chicas of color? Would’ve torched your Escalade, with you in it. Has your half-black ass not seen Waiting to Exhale? What were you thinking? If you thought marrying a white girl was gonna make life easier, I have two words for you: Britney Spears. White girls have a thing for beating cars with umbrellas, golf clubs, you name it. Date a Mexican girl next time. We’re used to getting cheated on.

3. Raise the bar, Tiger. I know you lost your Dad, and out of grief, might have gone a little crazy. I know you were micromanaged your whole life. But that still gives you no excuse to cheat with girls who look like back alley hoes. Your mistresses? Not so hot, Tiger. I understand, you don’t care, as long as they have a vagina. But when you’re a billionaire, Tiger, I think you need to set your standards higher. Going back to me being hired as your assistant, I know plenty of sluts. I’d be happy to set you up. And the good thing is, not one of them is smart enough to even be able to READ a book, much less WRITE a book describing your affair.

4. Those pictures in your wallet? The ones cozied up next to the Magnums? Next time you want a quick piece of ass from some random hoe, pull out those pictures. Not for nothing, but nobody wants to grow up knowing their pops was once a big time puto. (That’s Spanish for whore, Tiger. Live it. Learn it.)

5. The rehab center you’re going to? Is in my home state. Big ups to AZ! Only a state with this many Republicans and Mormons would be the place to come “dry out” when you have a problem with sex addiction (which is a fancy-schmancy way of saying that you can’t keep your schlong in your pants.) If there’s one place that could put someone off sex, it would be Wickenburg.

On that note, I will wish you well, and hope that you can either fix whatever’s broken with your wife, or have an amicable divorce. (If such a thing exists.) Hey, try not to give your mother-in-law anymore heart attacks, okay? She’s from Sweden, those bitches can’t take shit like us American girls. They’re socialists, for Christ’s sake. We’re used to getting dicked over here in the states. Swedes? Not so much. Instead of boning everything with nail polish, try picking up a copy of New York Times, and you might learn about all of this, doll.

Best of luck to you, and hope to work for you sometime soon.

Sincerely,
LC

P.S.—As your future personal assistant, I will work tirelessly to make sure photos of you, like the one above, will never be released to the public. Because seriously? You look really constipated in this picture.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Under the Tuscan Sun


I absolutely love Italian food.
I love it even more when the ambience of the restaurant is just beautiful.
I love it perhaps even MORE when I am mad as hell at my lover, and want a meal that is so delicious, it takes my mind off of him.
And I love it most when the cute doctor sitting across from me at a table picks up the tab for my meal.

I'm not saying this will happen to you, but hey, it was one hell of a dinner, compliments of Dr. McDreamy across from me, and I still walked out solo.

I also walked out reminded that I wouldn't have to dine alone by choice for the rest of my life, which is priceless.

To try this delicious restaurant for yourself, visit Brio Tuscan Grille at San Tan Village in Gilbert today. Whether dining alone or with someone special, the food is incredible, and the atmosphere is sensational.
www.brioitalian.com
Ste 118
2150 East Williams Field Road, Gilbert, AZ 85295-0730
(480) 917-9177

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Must Have DVD's for the Holiday Season


Movies make great Christmas presents. My family always loves when one of us receives movies as gifts, because then we sit around for the next few days,staying in warm from the cold, and watch movies in our PJ's and eat leftovers while we listen to my Mom bitch from the kitchen about how nobody helped her clean up wrapping paper and tinsel.

Some of the must-have DVD's out this month:

JULIE & JULIA: Love this movie, ordered it on Amazon.com right away, and cried when I finished reading the book. Amy Adams is fantastic in this movie, Meryl Streep is phenomenal (as always) and Stanley Tucci is so damn cute as her adoring husband, I'd give him a kiss on the cheek. (Okay, well maybe only after a few shots of Patron.)My sister-in-law loved the movie, and it will make you hungry, so be prepared to gain ten more pounds when you run out and buy the Julia Child cookbooks.



THE HANGOVER: Needless to say, I laughed until my abs were sore, and was all alone in the movie theatre (well, me and about one hundred strangers, anyway.) This movie will have you in stitches. You shouldn't watch it with the little ones (my family's very liberal and not into censorship, but we still wouldn't let kids under 12 or 13 watch it.) The guys in this film are absolutely hysterical, and you will wanna pop in the DVD over and over again. Makes a great gift for the guys on your list, too.



THE UGLY TRUTH: Buy it for all the single ladies in your life, the ones who are lookin for love in all the wrong places, the ones who practically sleep in the self-help and relationships aisle at Border's Books and Music. Hell, buy it and let your whole family watch and laugh their happy asses off the day after Christmas. Gerard Butler? Is strangely attractive in this movie, even when he acts like a douchebag.



Whatever movies you and yours watch this holiday season, I hope they bring you fits of laughter, lots to bond over, and that you can make many happy memories to remember for Christmases to come. That's what Christmas is all about.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Dash vs. Disick



Does anyone ever wonder:
a.) who the f*#k is Scott Disick, anyway?
b.) what does he do for a living, besides piss off the Kardashian girls?
c.) how is he any different from all the other dickwads who cheat on their girlfriends and then get taken back with open arms when his main woman gets knocked up?
d.) does this poor guy not have any sisters? Because if it was my brother who was getting painted as this horrible, villainous, cheating monster on national television, you bet your sweet ass I’d be running to defend him. Especially because I think Khloe is bigger than Scott. And that? Is probably not so fair, Khlo.

Okay, maybe it’s just me.


Catch the new season of Keeping Up With the Kardashians on E! starting December 12th. I know I will be inviting my sister-in-law over for a girls night, complete with popcorn and wine, to listen to Kris get bitched at by Kim, see Bruce’s new face, and see how long it takes before someone on the show starts hating on Lamar Odom.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Confessions from THIS Shopaholic


"You know that feeling you get, when you see a cute guy, and your heart sort of feels like warm butter, sliding down hot toast? Well, that's how I feel when I walk into a store." --Isla Fisher, Confessions of a Shopaholic

I am having a Confessions of a Shopaholic moment.
I am paying all of my bills, you know, those dreaded statements that come in the mail every month, the ones you secretly hope get lost in the shuffle of the US Postal Service, but still manage to wind up waiting for you in your mailbox?

I hate 'em.
And I hate myself for being such a compulsive shopper.
Shopaholics Anonymous is not enough for me.

Considering I write a blog about shopping, and am in love with all things fashion and beauty, I seriously don't see myself entering some sort of shopper's rehab. After all, rehab is for quitters. Amy Winehouse said that, didn't she?
Okay, maybe there's a sign I need help.

My new year's resolution?
To tone down the shopping, save money for more important things (like a down payment on a home of my own, or paying off massive student loans, or starting my own businesses) and escape the credit card circus. I went from the ringmaster of this circus to the freakin circus clown.

And though I have some pretty rockin' shoes, gorgeous handbags, and a collection of dresses and jeans that are enviable to those on the outside, something inside me knows, it's time to call it quits, and learn how to control my shopping addiction.

If Isla Fisher could do it in Confessions of a Shopaholic, I can, too.

But I refuse to auction off all of my clothes.
Unless, push comes to shove, of course.
Let's hope it doesn't come to that.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

An Apology to Audrina


Audrina is NOT my favorite star of The Hills, and I think we've all established that by now. I will give the shout outs to Kristin Cavallari, in all her bitchiness, long before I will ever give Audrina credit for anything.

But since one of the bad fashion faux pas I am guilty of committing is wearing shorts or skirts or dresses with my favorite pairs of Ugg boots, and since I've been rockin' this look since the before the inception of Uggs hitting mainstream America (you know, like circa, 2000, when I went off to college) I had to feature the Hills star on my blog, and an apology, as well:

Audrina, I know I can be bitchy in my criticism of your behavior on The Hills. I think you are clingy, needy, afraid to be alone (or without J Bob) and have low self-esteem. I don't know why, because you have dropped close to ten grand to buy a new set of breasts. Still, I'd like to make a mends, and say that if anybody is getting the okay to wear boots with shorts in winter, it's you. I will admit, though my tan probably puts yours to shame right now, your legs put my legs to shame. Go girl. Keep it up, and you just might win Justin Bobby back.

The Hills returns to MTV next season, but be sure and buy Season 5 on DVD today. I ordered mine from Amazon.com, and those speedy bastards delivered it promptly to my front door within two days. Amazon, you got it goin on. Love it.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Breakfast at Rihanna's


I wore about 6 strands of pearls today with my black shift dress which I purchased in an emergency at work at Walmart for $6.00. I polished off the look with a pair of black patent leather heels that are no less than 4" high, a cute headband, pearl and diamond earrings, and a very blingin' watch.

When I walked into work, with my Ray Bans on, I thought everyone would say I looked like Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's.

The only one who said that was a coworker who is well into his sixties.

My kids? The students?

"Ms. C, you look like Rihanna today."

Considering I'd rather die than shave one half of my head in the name of style, that wasn't exactly the look I was going for, kids.

But since I love Rihanna and her unique sense of style, I figured I'd give props for this look. Only she could combine classy and chic layered strands of pearls, with a partially razored new 'do.

I'll stick to my Holly Golightly look, thank you very much.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

For The Hot Chick on Your Christmas List


The gift you must run out and buy your girlfriends for Christmas?

Yeah, it isn't the make your own martini kit you found at Target, or the pedicure foot bath bullshit you saw at Costco.

It's this fabulous little book, How to Love Like a Hot Chick, by Cerina Vincent and Jodi Lipper, which offers women amazing dating and relationship advice in a straightforward, no-nonsense format. You'll feel like you're talking with your girls over margaritas, except that these girls actually took their heads out of their asses and put their female intuition into practice.

You know what that is, ladies. It's the little voice inside your head that tells you he's a supreme douchebag, you know, that voice you oftentimes ignore, because you think he might change, or magically transform into a love God over night?

At any rate, buy your friends this book, change their dating lives, or hell, buy it for yourself. There are plenty of break-ups over the holiday season.

Personally, I believe the only chumps who would leave a girl alone on the holidays are scum sucking bottom feeders who deserve to be kicked in the balls.

But hey, that's just my opinion.

Buy a copy (or two, or ten) at Borders, Amazon.com, or Barnes and Noble today.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Peace, Love, & Domestic Bliss


Not that I would remember what domestic bliss necessarily feels like (my time at Mom's is probably driving her crazy, and I think me, moving out again is probably a great idea, considering I've overstayed my time here by about, oh, I don't know, say, a year?) but if I did have some vague recollection of what feeling all tranquil in your home would be like, I would imagine it would be a lot like the feelings conjured up after setting foot in downtown Mesa's most adorable boutique, Domestic Bliss.

A mix of home furnishings, accessories, clothing, and one-of-a-kind gifts and specialty items, Domestic Bliss will have you ooh-ing and ahh-ing left and right. You can not only deck your halls, you can deck yourself out with lovely accessories and ensembles.

Visit Domestic Bliss today, and make your own home a little more blissful. After all, home is where the heart is.

Even if you're arguing with your Mom while watching Oprah.

Domestic Bliss, 166 W Main Street #104, Mesa, AZ 85210 www.domesticblissdesign.com

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

It's a Lipstick Jungle Out There


The DVD set that is getting me through these cold, dreary winter nights where I have to snuggle up in bed surrounded by pillows and covered in five blankets is Lipstick Jungle, Season 2. I enjoyed Season 1 so much, I couldn’t wait to buy the 2nd season, and was elated when I found it for $4.99 on sale at Target, the day after Thanksgiving. One of the major reasons I am in love with this show (sadly, it was cancelled) is because of the clothes that Victory, Nico, and Wendy wear. Gorgeous, well-styled, head to toe, perfection.

Now if only they’d bring the show back to NBC. Brooke Shields needs work. The poor girl is advertising eyelash growth products, for crying out loud.

Buy your own DVD sets of the show today on Amazon.com, or at Target retailers nationwide.