A "Short" Note to All The Haters...

In defense of my homegirl, Michelle Obama, I am writing an open letter to all of her haters, who criticized poor M for wearing shorts in Phoenix. Bastards. Here it goes:

Dear Haters,

You know who you are. Most of you no doubt have a GOP bumpersticker on the back of your gas guzzling, environment-destroying, I-wrote-it-off-on-my-taxes SUV. The rest of you are just plain miserable with yourselves and probably wear mom jeans from J.Jill or Chico’s or some other sad store where middle-aged women gather. A small minority may be men who are overly critical (and to you, I say, come out of the closet already, douche bag, we all know if you analyze a woman’s wardrobe that much, you’re gay.)

Michelle is not only one of my favorite women, I feel like we could be friends. She not only is intelligent and headstrong and a great mother and wife, she is the type of woman I aspire to be. She is graceful and beautiful and works out so that she can keep her body in top form, while also keeping her health up so that she can take care of the most powerful leader in the free world and her two adorable daughters. Pretty sure her goal is not to dance on a stripper pole on national TV like Miley Cyrus or one of the Pussycat Dolls. She is in shape because she works hard to stay physically fit.

So how much did I want to kick your asses, personally, when I read blogs and bullshit magazine articles where all of you who are drinking the hater-aid criticized Mrs. Obama for wearing shorts on her trip to the Grand Canyon?

First off, I am from this hell hole we call Arizona, and even in the high country, it is pretty effin hot. If I had paparazzi, my husband, and 2 daughters in tow, and had just stepped off of Air Force One, you bet your sweet ass I’d not only have shorts on, I would have worn a tank top that said “F*** Halliburton,” too. She was going to the Grand Canyon, not the Republican National Convention. I think it’s socially acceptable to wear shorts to go see a big hole in the ground on your summer vacay.

Secondly, the woman is TONED. She has legs that are enviable and arms that put most celebrities’ to shame. So quit hating, and give the woman some credit. Laura Bush didn’t have a book called “Laura Style” that made the best-seller list. Michelle Obama does, so go to Barnes & Noble and grab a copy of the Mandi Norwood book “Michelle Style” today.

Anybody who can wear Jason Wu one day, turn him into an overnight designer to the stars and then rock J.Crew the next day is truly my style heroine.

And for those of you who want to send me hate mail? Hate on this, you style impaired prudes.

In closing, having actually worked for a politician myself for a brief time in college, I can tell you one observation, among many, that I’ve made about the Republican party, most of whom chastised Michelle’s wardrobe choices: the GOP usually looks very uppity, and frankly, constipated. I recommend a large dose of Ex-Lax and to part ways with your pearl necklaces and girdles. Sarah Palin might have lied about the cost of her wardrobe, but maybe it wouldn’t have been so expensive if she had regular bowel movements.

Thank you for your time,

LC