The Divorcee Diva's Survival Guide

It is with great pride, that I, LC, announce to the world that as of next Fall, I will be going back to ASU once again. This time, I will be in pursuit of a 2nd Masters/Doctorate (Ph.D.).

What am I studying?

Marriage and Family Therapy.

A Brief, Unedited Transcript of a Conversation I Had With An Old Friend:

ME (LC): "I'm going to be a therapist!"
OF (Old Friend): "Like a massage therapist?"
LC: "What the f**k? You think I'm not smart, or what?"
OF: "Well when you put it that way, not particularly, but tell me more..."
LC: "I want to study marriage and family therapy, but I want to be a sex therapist."
OF: "Some would argue that massage therapists are sex therapists."
LC: "I'm not talking about happy endings, jackass. I'm talking about helping people sort through their problems, personally, emotionally, in relationships...this is going to be so awesome!"
OF: "Just don't tell them that you once went to a therapist in high school, that might not go over so well."
LC: "I survived on cans of Diet Coke and saltine crackers for months on end. I was a Mexican Mary Kate Olsen, I didn't go because I had relationship issues."
OF: "Just remember, 50% of marriages end in divorce."
LC: "So what are you saying? I'm going to be a failure? That this is pointless?"
OF: "No. I'm saying, it's been nice knowing you. You're going to be so busy solving everyone else's problems and failed relationships, I will not see you for the next 40 years."

I don't claim to have all the answers. I do, however, know that breakups are hard, no matter your age, or how serious the relationship may have been. They're hard for men, they're hard for women, and goddamn it, they're hard for all of us who have to hear you bitch about them.

In an attempt to soothe the broken hearts of fabulous women everywhere, this book "This Little Piggy Got Divorced" is a fantastic purchase for that girlfriend of yours who is still singing "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor in the shower and crying in your box of Entemann's Lemon Strudel at your kitchen table. Pick up a copy today at Barnes and Noble, www.bn.com, or Amazon.com, and give it to her in a nice basket, with some bubble bath and a bottle of Chardonnay. She will thank you later. So will your other friends, to whom she is spending her waking hours bitching about love gone bad.

And check back with me in 2 years when I'm a licensed therapist. I will need all the business I can get, to pay back the hefty student loans I'll have to take out to pay for this education.