Lace & Leather

When I was a little girl, I was a Brownie Girl Scout.

Okay, you can stop laughing now. Yes, even I, the foul-mouthed, cuss-like-a-sailor lady you know and love, was once a badge earning, card carrying member of the Girl Scouts.

I remember going on my route to sell Girl Scout cookies (I was an entrepreneur in the making, even then. I was bound and determined to sell more cookies than any other girl, damn it, even if it meant batting my eyelashes, selling sugar to diabetics, or good old fashioned blackmail. ("Hey, Mr.________. Unless you want me to tell MRS._________ that you were canoodling with the mail lady last week in your garage when I was riding by on my bike with my friend Nicki roller skating next to me, you'd better buy 3 boxes of Thin Mints IMMEDIATELY. Actually, make it 4 boxes. That'll be $10, please!") I was the classic negotiator--Donald Trump could've taken lessons from this pint-size brat in a brown uniform.

Back to my strategic cookie-selling route, I would often visit an old lady who had unnaturally black, curly hair that ran down her back (a look that, to this day, I firmly detest for older women); a gaudy cocktail ring on every finger (for those of you who are going to laugh and bring up my diamond ring on every finger--shut your mouth and keep reading); hot pink lipstick that was mostly on her dentures,leather vests, or sometimes, even a skirt, and on every square inch of her thin, but aging, body--lace. The woman adored lace--even in the dead of winter, when it was cold, and you'd think she'd catch a draft or something.

Her husband catered to her, waited on her hand and foot, and I always wondered if you dressed like a lace covered whore, if that was really the secret to getting whatever you wanted out of your man. (I've never really tried it, and maybe that explains so much about my dating life.) Nevertheless, any box of cookies she wanted to buy, he'd write me a nice, big old check for the total, and give her a big, sloppy old man kiss on her Wet & Wild Lipstick coated lips. Well. There went the rest of the lipstick.

For those of you who don't want to necessarily look like one of my favorite former clients (when she passed away a few years ago, it honestly brought tears to my eyes, but, paying homage to my valued customer, I decided NOT to let my mascara run down my cheeks and mess up my lipstick with a Kleenex) you can certainly add a touch of lace to your own wardrobe with leggings, like these ones from H&M, or pick them up at Forever 21. Save money on this trend--it's not one that you want to wear head to toe, like my dear old friend, God rest her soul, but showing a little legging under a skirt or dress might be a cute way to incorporate the trend into your wardrobe.

I'm still convinced I would be the consummate business woman; I can sell snow to an Eskimo. But when I open my own boutique, and sell clothing to my own clients one day, I'll probably suggest that no matter how much you love the trend, ladies, small nuances are a better bet than over-doing the look.

Although getting your husband or boyfriend to do whatever you want isn't such a bad idea, either. ;)